I know that sometimes I write things down and really think I'm telling people something. Deep down, I know better and fully recognize that I am preachin to the choir, so to speak and that I am making some kind of mental note for myself to reference. That's cool too though because I'm sure that on occasion, I am not the only one who needs a reminder about things from time to time.
New relationships can be fun, exciting, intimidating, unnerving........... did I leave anything out? Yes, I did, they can be amazing, wonderful and full of self awareness opportunities. Those self awareness opportunities can really suck sometimes but with the right person, they can also be some of the best tools for personal growth imaginable. I did a lot of growing over the past few days and I think I may have put some things down that can help not only me but other people who are embarking on a new romantic journey to arrive safely without driving themselves crazy in the process.
The first thing that I think should be remembered is that we are not dating any of our exes (if you are, make sure you've reconciled why they are an ex and have worked out old issues. I tend to not re-date exes, they are exes for a reason). Through past experiences, we have all gained knowledge and insight about people's behavior. Although we have this knowledge, it's important to make sure we are not setting ourselves up to repeat past situations. We have to make sure that we are not projecting onto new partners our reactions to the behaviors of past significant others. For example, if past partners have cheated, we are aware that some people cheat, it doesn't mean that the new partner is going to cheat so we have to make sure we are not postured to combat cheating behavior that doesn't exist. Many of us have been lied to in the past and that makes it easy to be skeptical towards new partners strictly because we are afraid they may do the same thing. That puts us behind the proverbial 8-ball and sets us up to keep our new partner at arms length. That does nothing to foster the nurturing of a new relationship that it takes to develop a healthy situation. Leave the past in the past.
We all have a certain amount of personal insecurities. Our insecurities alone won't necessarily ruin a new relationship, not talking to our partners about how and why those insecurities came about, will. Communication is essential to getting to know someone better and hashing though things that may come up. It's fair to say that if you have to wonder IF you can talk to your partner about your insecurities then you need to reevaluate if that is the person for you. You very well may feel like they won't understand what is going on in your head but if you take that step and let them in your head, you may be pleasantly surprised as to their response. It's been my recent experience that if a person wants to be with you, they will do what it takes to get to know you. That works two ways, by talking to them about what's going on in your head and getting their reactions, you have more insight as to how they think and feel about things as well.
Appreciate the differences in your partner. I think we are taught that compatibility means that we have to find someone who is like us. I thought that for a long time too until I met my current partner. He and I are as different in some areas as night and day but it's those differences that we have found endearing. We enjoy our common ground but it's our differences that has helped to keep conversation fresh and keeps us wanting to discover more about the other. I have dated the male equivalent of myself and that has not worked out so well. Having someone in my life who I can laugh with when we notice our commonalities and that peaks my interest when I notice another difference has done wonders for me. In some ways we are carbon copied and in other ways I wonder if we're both made of "paper".........LOL
Learn to enjoy the moment. I am a chronic planner and I tend to look at the present and the future from all angles. So much so that on occasion, I am so busy planning for the future that I don't pay enough attention to the present. The cliche says "stop and smell the roses", well what are you waiting for? Stop and smell them. The first time I heard my partner say "we'll just take things a day at a time", I almost flipped out....I was in awe that someone had the ability to DO that. A day at a time? Really? Then I learned that he had one up on me, he could envision the future but still enjoy the day. Carpe Diem. Now I can plan but still enjoy the fruits of my planning because today is what I planned for yesterday and it's okay to take a minute to enjoy your work.
Appreciate it when you get what you say you want. Most of us are clear that we want honesty, trust, loyalty and the like in a relationship. The best way to show that you appreciate that is by giving it back. Acknowledging and thanking them for giving those things is great too. We all like to hear when we are doing well and pleasing our partner. Telling them "thank you" for being honest or something along those lines will also help to ensure that they don't feel like they are doing things in vain and being taken for granted. Always let your partner know how special they are to you. We may think they know and there is no such thing as telling them too much, it's when we don't say or show enough that we create doubt in their minds.
I could go on and on forever but I won't. I do want to mention one more thing. Hedge your relationship. We grow hedges around our homes to make it look nice and keep things out that could damage our quality of life. Do the same with your relationship. Go the extra step to avoid things that may cause unnecessary stress on the relationship. Keep the relationship maintained, they take work just like everything else worth having.
I know that I must sound all mushy and crap at the moment but it's cool because I feel that way too and I feel that way because I'm experiencing everything I just wrote down. I'm not mad about feeling mushy, if this is the worst feeling I can have, I'll keep it.
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