Awesome Quotes

I think that these are prolly funnier than most of the onest that I posted. Each quote was hand selected for it's charm and wit. Roflmao .... or it's reflection of overall current cynicism....roflmao

I miss my ex but my aim is getting better.

Crazy? Once I was crazy. They locked me in a room to die. Die? I don't want to die. All the mice will get me. Mice? I hate mice. They drive me crazy. Crazy? Once I was crazy. They locked....

That which doesn't kill you, makes you wish it did

Let go of my ears. I know what I'm doing!

Would you like a nice warm cup of shut the fuck up?

Happiness is a belt fed weapon

Calling Subway employees "Sandwich Artists" is an insult to both sandwiches and artists.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Your village called, they want their idiot back

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Why don't you go outside and play Hide-and-go-fuck-yourself.

The Clitoris – Natures Rubrics cube.

Sure, everyone always said 'Socrates what is the meaning of life?' or 'Socrates how can I find happiness?', did anyone ever say 'Socrates hemlock is poison,

When life gives you lemons.... find a kid with a paper cut.

Don't say something is half empty. Say it's half full of shit.

The only problem with doing something right the first time is no-one really appreciates how difficult it was.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t walk around nude.......ever.

Life is like a box of chocolates? Yeah, maybe, if you're allergic to cocoa powder and you break out in hives.